Back in January when those two little lines popped up on a pregnancy test, I was full of excitement for what 2020 was going to bring. Little did I know by mid-March we would be in lockdown and the year that had looked so promising was slipping into despair.
Those who know me, know I am not one to let the negative thoughts take over – definitely a glass-half full sort of person! But the start of lockdown really knocked me. My business was having to rapidly adjust if it was going to stand any chance of making it through and the hopes surrounding how my first pregnancy was going to pan out really had to change. Seeing all those social media posts flying round reminding me of what I was missing out on, what first pregnancy experiences I’d never get started to really take their toll on my frame of mind.
I let myself feel those feelings and then started really focusing on all the positives – my baby and I were safe and healthy. Right now, that was all that mattered.
As lockdown has gone on and with the view that from 28 weeks, pregnant people should not be in face to face roles, it is looking like I may not be cuddling any gorgeous newborns until my own arrives. I love my job, being a birth and postnatal Doula is such a huge part of who I am. This doula is seriously missing birth work! As much as being able to offer virtual support has been a godsend, it’s not quite the same really?!
There have been some huge positives to being pregnant during a pandemic; such as being able to spend so much bonus time with my husband and our dogs. Just taking things slow, enjoying each others company and prepping for baby’s arrival. We normally have quite hectic schedules, so this time together has been amazing. I’ve been able to completely focus on myself and this growing little one, rest as much as my body told me to, eat well and cook everything from scratch. Ok, I can’t lie, Michael has done most of that as apparently pregnancy has turned me right off cooking…definitely a surprise to me as I usually love to cook! If I had been working how I was meant to, I’d have spent most of my pregnancy on call, supporting births, postnatal families and putting myself and my needs on the backburner. I do not think there has ever been a time where I’ve been able to just focus on me. Even up to the week before my wedding I was supporting births!
I have been really lucky with my midwifery care, as before the pandemic started, I had booked in with the fabulous Kingston Homebirth Team. So all my appointments were able to go ahead in the comfort and safety of my own home with the lovely Lucy. Not having to navigate clinics or hospitals has been a blessing during all of this, as I don’t think my heightened pregnancy anxiety would have handled it too well. I did attend the hospital once, for my 20 week scan and although pregnancy hormones got the better of me, the lovely sonographer collected me from the waiting room sobbing, she made sure the whole experience was a lovely one. I came away with a little video of baby so Michael didn’t feel like he missed out too much. Even with the PPE masking their smiles, the whole team at Kingston are as wonderful as ever.
As I’m approaching my third trimester, I’m embracing this slower pace of life and looking forward to meeting this little wriggly one.